Category: living

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Here is my story in the most neutral way I can think to present it. There is a chance I am wrong about my thinking but the facts are correct.

Bob and I go to trivia night at a local winery. We have been doing this for a couple of years. It has become like a Cheers bar for us. We know a lot of the other players in the contest and it is all good fun. At least that is what I thought.

There are some rules. One of which is your team should be no larger than six. We rarely have a problem with that but we have encouraged friends if they are available to come to join us as the more the merrier. This means sometimes it is just Bob and I and, on very rare occasions we slip past the 6 threshold. Most of the time this is no big deal because it is all good fun and the grand prize is two bottles of wine so the stakes are very low — mostly just bragging rights. There is a bit of trash talking between the winners and the losers but, as I said, all in good fun.

Last Thursday, we had 7 players. The sixth and seventh persons came it late at that — the quiz had been going on a good 15 minutes before they even arrived. But yes there were 7 players at our table.

We continued to play but we warned twice that we had 7 players. I explained that one of the people who joined us was basically drinking wine and chatting while the others played. He wasn’t supplying any answers. What were we supposed to do — tell him to go into a corner and drink his wine alone? Isn’t this supposed to be just fun and games?

I am trying to see the other person’s point on this but I am having a difficult time. It isn’t as if we were bringing in scholars from all over the state of California in order to win two fucking bottles of wine. It seemed so petty. First counting the number of people at each table and then reporting the numbers to the Quiz Master so she would have to act on their observation.

Anyway, it bothered me so much that I brought up throwing the quiz in order to avoid any dispute later. Thankfully, we lost.

Now as I type this I am thinking about whether this was a form of gamesmanship. They brought up our breaking the rules in order to distract us from focusing on the quiz. Mother Fuckers, just you wait until next Thursday. I will show you gamesmanship.

Do you see the problem here?

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Every night, Cisco, my cat, and I go for a little walk in the corridor of our apartment. He saw Bob and I leaving from our front door and figured out that this is the way out, possibly to freedom. At first, he just roamed the halls but after a little while he realized that there were other doors and that those doors could be opened too. So now he stops at the other apartment doors, stretches his body towards the door knob signalling to me that he wants the door opened. When I fail to open the other people’s doors, he looks up at me with disgust.

I tried to make it up to him by opening the doors that led to the trash bins and the fire escape doors which he did enjoy but he still stops at other people’s front doors expecting me to open. I hate to disappoint him. I think I am losing the respect of my cat. A terrible thing.

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I haven’t been to a concert in quite some time but apparently pooping in your seat so you don’t miss any of the show is now a thing.

Well, I don’t know what to say about this except I don’t think missing a few minutes of a concert, and I am talking about the Beatles here or the Rolling Stones or anyone for that matter, would cause me ever to decide to take a dump on my seat at a concert in front of thousands of other people just because I don’t want to miss “I Want to Hold Your Hand.” What the fucking fuck. WTFF.

And this article is blaming it on kids brought up during COVID. You mean that kids who were brought up to wash their hands a million times a day and wear a face mask to stop the spread of disease are going to find it perfectly OK to spread their diseased filled fecal matter to thousands of unsuspecting music fans? Huh?

GEEZUS.

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What kind of asshole kicks a sea lion? For fun? And his friends laughed? So, what a bunch of assholes. To top it off, also kind of stupid because what would have happened if the sea lion decided to fight back?

Don’t say this is typical teen age fun either. Hurting an animal for your own amusement is sadism and is unacceptable. Let’s see what happens to the young man at sentencing. Not much, I am afraid.

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Things I ask myself now, at 69, before getting on the floor:

1.) Is what I am going to do on the floor worth the effort to get off the floor when I am done?

2.) Is there anything near that I can use to leverage myself off of the floor when I am need to stand up?

3.) Can this wait until there are more things on the floor that I need in order to maximize my floor experience? Honestly, why pick up an errant spoon when you can wait for the knife and fork to fall later.

4.) Can this wait until a more youthful friend (say late 50’s) shows up and I can casually ask them to help me like I just noticed it now?

5.) Will anyone really notice if I don’t do what needs to be done of the floor? A good kick towards the couch will hide anything you don’t really need to immediately retrieve.

6.) Is there a pillow within grabbing distance so if I have to stay longer on the floor than necessary I can, at least, be comfortable?

7.) Do I have my cell phone in case I find myself unable to get off of the floor?

8.) Do I have enough clothes on so that nobody, particularly me, is embarrassed if I need to call someone to get me off the floor?

9.) Should I leave the door unlocked so the person who is rescuing me has easy access to my apartment?

10) Why is it that everything I need right now is on the floor?

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This might be the man in me, which despite being gay that ugly male chromosome sometimes rears its ugly head causing me to have typical heterosexual male sentiments, but I am trying to understand Melissa Garner Lee’s anger with her husband over missing the Taylor Swift Travis Kelce Wedding. Lee’s husband had worked with Taylor Swift once in the past — this is her only connection with the happy couple which, speaking as a totally neutral outside observer seems, at best, really tenuous. So she basically wants to ride her husband’s coattails as a plus one to a wedding that he, apparently, isn’t too driven to attend.

This is why she is angry with her husband? He may have ignored an invitation to the wedding of the century. He saw something in his email queue with a subject like Taylor Swift’s wedding. He thought it was spam, didn’t even open it and deleted it. Crime of the fucking century that is.

First, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, what kind of crass mother fucker sends wedding invitations through email. PLEASE. Taylor Swift. Wedding of the Century. I just don’t think Swift’s the type of woman to send email wedding invitations. If I were her husband I would have been suspicious too and would have deleted it as spam without giving it a second thought.

And, if it was an invitation from Swift, who would want to go to a wedding from such a crass mother fucker. Amy Vanderbilt must have rolled in her grave and I would have been right there helping to spin her coffin. Call me old fashioned but if you don’t have enough class to spend a first class postage invitation through the US mail, I am not coming to your wedding with an electric toaster in hand. This is where I am afraid I draw the line as any self-respecting person would.

Then, did I mention, her tenuous connection? She barely knows the bride and has never met the groom. I am surprised that she was on the list at all. This would be reason enough for me to ignore the invitation. I really don’t know them that that well to feel comfortable sharing such an intimate moment. I have not attended weddings of people who I knew better than this and I didn’t feel the least bit bad about it.

No. No. You are missing the point. It is the wedding of the century. So what? Your claim to fame is that I was a plus one at the wedding of the century? Give me a fucking break. More troubling, is Lee is a psychotherapist. Talk about over reacting. I mean if I got a wedding invitation from someone who I worked for many years ago and that my partner knew even less, the idea that I would even bring it up with my partner in the first place is a bit of stretch. That my partner would get mad about this missed opportunity would leave me a bit baffled. Why am I getting so much grief over this?

But it is the wedding of the century. I heard you the first time and I repeat so what? I can think of a lot better ways to spend my weekend that watching two strangers get married in front of thousands of other people on a hot July day in New York — just so you can say you attended. I was fucking there and you weren’t. So take that. I don’t know about your psychotherapist but this would certainly make me one think twice before laying down on her office couch and telling her my problems.

Lee does seem to come to her senses at the end of her piece but not before making her husband feel bad enough to apologize to her for not understanding how important going to the wedding of the century might be for her. He apologized to her! If anyone deserves an apology here it is the poor husband who suffers through his wife’s over reaction to missing a stranger’s wedding.

Get a grip lady because the world has much bigger disappointments coming your way.

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I have been in San Francisco on several occasions when a nearly nude man will be walking around with the barest of fig leafs leaving his genitals clearly visible. My San Francisco friends informed me that this is perfectly legal and happened all of the time. I tried to confirm the legality when I started to write this blog because I know that things are changing in the city but was left with a lot of ambiguous information. From what I could learn, it isn’t exactly legal and it isn’t exactly illegal.

My San Francisco friends supported these men’s rights to walk around nearly nude. They thought that they should be free to do what they want. I was uncomfortable with both the naked man and their response. At the time I was unable to enunciate my disagreement. After thinking about for some time, years in fact, I think I have figured out what I want to say.

I knew if I had small children I wouldn’t want them to see it. Not because the child would be traumatized either. I am sure that most children wouldn’t even remember it happening the next day. On the other hand, it might require some awkward explanation on why the man is walking around the streets of a city naked. Like is it all right for me to walk around naked?

Well, it isn’t all right to walk around naked in most places. It might not even be all right in San Francisco. It seems more like San Franciscan cops have given up on enforcing the law as opposed to it actually being legal which is a nuanced position for parents to make. Yes it is a rule Johnny but it is too difficult to enforce so people don’t get in trouble for doing it. Does that make sense to you? Of course, it doesn’t.

And yes this is small potatoes. In a city like San Fransisco there are bigger problems for the cops to deal with. It is a nuisance more than a crime. It is one of the hundreds of small annoyances that people in a city encounter. It requires self policing from individuals and that is what isn’t happening.

There is an extremely small number of San Franciscans who want to walk around with their dicks hanging out. I hardly ever see it. The mass of San Franciscans I have seen almost always have their clothes on. I am talking 99.99 %. It is irritating that this infinitesimally small number of people feel the need to indulge their exhibitionist tendencies for the rest of us to see. It isn’t very neighborly.

There are plenty of places — nude beaches, nudist camps, your own home — you can walk around nude. And then there are also plenty of places where you don’t. You wouldn’t walk into a school nude. Or a restaurant. Or a museum. Or a church. So, even the most free thinking of individuals set limits to when people should walk around naked. The argument then is where to draw the line.

Living in big cities means you are around thousands of people with different ideas of how to behave. We should try to get along as best we can. This means I agree to not being able to do everything I want to do. So, for example, I don’t play music loudly. Now, I may want to play my music loudly but I won’t because I know that I might bother my neighbors. I want to get along with my neighbors so I don’t listen to music loudly.

These men need to face the fact that some people might not want to see their junk and keep that in mind when they go on one of their strolls. Being a good neighbor isn’t that hard, and I’m willing to give up these really minor freedoms to live in a big city. Because I really enjoy living in a big city and, to continue to enjoy this experience, I want to be a good neighbor. I wish everyone would.

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We have two cats — Chloe and Cisco. When we first got them, Cisco would finish first and then nudge Chloe away from her bowl. This didn’t seem to bother her and she would pretty much surrender her food to Cisco. Bob got into the habit of standing in between them so Chloe wouldn’t be bullied away from her share of the food.

Bob proved to be a successful block to Cisco. Cisco stopped trying to bully Chloe away from her bowl. What is weird is that the no longer harassed Chloe can eat her meal without Cisco’s looming presence threatening her but now she always, and I mean always, leaves a little of her meal for Cisco. How did they come to this arrangement?

I am told that in every living situation with more than one animal that there is an Alpha who takes over. Cisco is definitely bigger and stronger than Chloe but she is smarter, faster and more athletic. She can get away from him with ease. Despite this somewhat equal distribution of talents, Cisco is still the boss. But why? Who told them?

It baffles me that they have come to an agreement about this. It seems to work for them but the process is a mystery. Surely, on occasion she comes across a food that she likes more than the others and wouldn’t she want to eat her full bowl — just because she likes it more. But, no every single time, she leaves Cisco something. The mystery of nature.

Chloe is the black one and Cisco is the grey one.

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As you might know, Bob and I are in the process of moving house, so we are furiously throwing away stuff. I found my high school diploma today with a holy card from Monsignor Koch. For those of you who doubt whether I graduated high school, see below. Read it and weep. It’s official and you can’t take that away from me.

Why, at 67 years of age, am I having trouble giving up my high school diploma. Never has any of my employers asked to see it nor did the colleges and universities I attended. I don’t even see the point of giving it to me at 18. It has been sitting in a drawer since then. A new draw ever few years, but a drawer nonetheless.

And the holy card. I didn’t even know who Monsignor Koch was when I was in high school. I vaguely remember the name but what he did and why he gave me a holy card is a complete mystery today.

It was sort of an accomplishment for me. I can’t tell you how bad a student I was in high school. About all I did was show up and that was mostly because my Mom herded us out the door every morning and wouldn’t put up with anything remotely close to ditching school. The only reason I made it through was mid-way through my Sophomore year, I discovered marijuana and thus was able to survive my remaining years in what for me was this educational prison. I hated it more than any other experience in my life.

Yet, I can’t seem to throw them out.