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Mean Girls and Bullies are a reoccurring theme in any depiction of American adolescence. They always seem to pop up as a potent, almost dictatorial, presence in high schools. They also seem to land at the top of the school hierarchy which, given their nastiness, seems odd. It baffles me.

Think about it. On the first day of school the teacher doesn’t announce to the class that you are going to start dividing yourself into people you like and people you don’t like. Some of you will get invited to all the birthday parties, others will not. Suzy will be the chief mean girl and Bill is the big bully. Let the school year begin.

It is a hierarchy created by the kids. It is cruel. It is pervasive and it is has an effect on a child’s life.

Adults can try to mitigate the social hierarchy but it happens regardless of their best efforts. Adults can tell kids to be respectful but how does a school control the in crowd and the out crowd. The creation of these groups, be it — Jocks, Nerds, Cool Kids, Stoners — is an act of group self-creation. Adults don’t make the decision.

How the hierarchy all sorts out is a mystery to everyone but, perhaps, the group itself. In reality, there may not be any rational explanation other than this is the chemical reaction of this particular group of kids.

The two things that interest me here is why does it happen at all and why do the same type of kids (jocks and cheerleaders) end up at the top and others (nerds and goths) end up near the bottom. The story, the one you see in the movies and read in books, always is the same. Mean Girls and Jocks take over and end up at the top of the teenage hierarchy.

This would seem like an unimportant detail. Who cares why some kids rise to the top and other kids don’t. It is just school but I am afraid it is very important because mean girls and bullies continue their reign of terror throughout their lives.

Explain Trump. He is a bully. Why is he tolerated? Why are people still willing to work for such an asshole even though he has made everyone perfectly aware that he has no loyalty to anyone except himself?

Maybe the whole problem with Trump, particularly for the people who are immune to Trump’s charm, is trying to find a rational reason for people putting their faith in such an asshole when it is more of an instinctual thing — irrational and subconscious.

He is the silverback who beats his chest in the most convincing manner and to our ape selves that is all that matters.

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I am annoyed at the mean spirited memes going around about Lindsey Graham. This is my question. A man is dead. There are people who loved him. Give them a moment to mourn. What good does it do to dance on his grave?

He deserves every sarcastic comment made about him because he was a terrible man and the world needs to see that. There are people who disagree with this assessment. His legacy can be debated and should be. He was a public figure. I am fine with that but now is the time to put these disagreements on hold. A moment of silence doesn’t say you liked the man. It is an acknowledgement of the sadness of all of our impending deaths.

Trump talks ill of the dead why can’t I. This is an argument of a child who’s hand is caught in the cookie jar. So what? It deserves the perfect parental response to such a lame defense of personal behavior — if Donald Trump jumped off the Empire State Building, would you jump? Trump is hardly a role model for good behavior. Just because he is awful when people he dislikes dies, doesn’t make it right for anyone else to do the same.

It is one of the very worst things that Donald Trump has done to our politics. He has destroyed the little level of civility that existed in public discourse. Anything goes. Talk about a woman’s looks or her weight. Fair game. Talk about your opponent’s dick size. No problem. So why should any one’s death stop the fun back and forth of malicious commentary that permeates modern political life?

Because it is sad. Any time anyone dies, this is a moment to reflect on the fragility of life itself. It can be taken from us all in a moment. Life is sacred and it is terrible when someone loses this precious gift. It doesn’t matter if I like the guy or not. It is still sad no matter who it happens to.

But Hitler, what about Hitler? What about him? Lindsey Graham is not Hitler and there is nothing you can say to make me believe that he is. There is only one Hitler and just maybe Hitler is the one of the few people who have died when it was OK to dance on his grave. But Lindsey Graham Hitler? This is a disservice to true monsters everywhere. Hitler is rolling in his grave.

Which leads me back to my original question. What good comes to the world from dancing on Lindsey Graham’s grave? I can’t really see any. It only worsens the political divide that threatens to rip this country apart. And if we keep tearing and ripping, the country eventually will come apart. Is that what we want? I certainly don’t.

And doing the right thing is so incredibly easy in this case — all you have to do is keep your trap shut.

Try it.

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Slavery isn’t the primary problem, I have with the founding fathers. As apologists for the founding fathers have pointed out numerous times, slavery has been around since the dawn of civilization. They behaved just like every other winning civilization when given the opportunity to take advantage of free labor. They took it.

And if we could stop here with the Founding Fathers, I would be OK with that. But there is more to the story.

The African slave traders who sold their fellow Africans into slavery didn’t say that all men were created equal. The Founding Fathers did. This created a number of problems for them. First, how do you explain taking land from a native population and African slavery. I mean, if all men are created equal. There has to be a good explanation and that explanation was racism. These people were less than the European settlers. The African and the Native American were robbed of their humanity — their equality with their fellow men.

The African slave trader was involved in a money making operation with no regards to the humans they captured. They didn’t write the Declaration of Independence. They didn’t write of noble ideas about how men should behave and what the future would look like when men could elect their own government and thus determine their fates. The Founding Fathers, however, did.

This difference caused an expository problem. If all men were created equal, what of the Native American and the African slave. How can all men be equal given the treatment of these non-European peoples. The answer was they are savages. They are less than the White European, that Whites were superior to everyone else. The superior race deserved to run the show.

This sentiment is a much more damaging idea. It turns an unfortunate prisoner of war into less than a human. It poisoned the White population into believing they were better than everyone else so that when the Civil War ended — the slaves might be free but an ideology of racism still existed. Many Whites still believed they were better than Blacks and Native Americans. Treating them differently was OK because they were inferior beings.

But why do we have to dwell on that. Why not just look at the noble ideas and forget the racism. The noble ideas, after all, are what is important. Well, yes, to a degree this is true but we are also teaching children about the past. The Civil War, Civil Rights and the Settlers expansion into Native American Territories are very much a part of this history.

If you don’t give the context of racism, how do those events make any sense?

Noble ideas are starting points in history. This is what we want the world to look like. But, as with all human institutions, the Founding Fathers failed to live up to all of these noble ideas. We do not live in a perfect world and never will. Indeed, we all, even to this day, could do better and this isn’t such a bad idea to leave children with – we can do better.

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This might be the man in me, which despite being gay that ugly male chromosome sometimes rears its ugly head causing me to have typical heterosexual male sentiments, but I am trying to understand Melissa Garner Lee’s anger with her husband over missing the Taylor Swift Travis Kelce Wedding. Lee’s husband had worked with Taylor Swift once in the past — this is her only connection with the happy couple which, speaking as a totally neutral outside observer seems, at best, really tenuous. So she basically wants to ride her husband’s coattails as a plus one to a wedding that he, apparently, isn’t too driven to attend.

This is why she is angry with her husband? He may have ignored an invitation to the wedding of the century. He saw something in his email queue with a subject like Taylor Swift’s wedding. He thought it was spam, didn’t even open it and deleted it. Crime of the fucking century that is.

First, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, what kind of crass mother fucker sends wedding invitations through email. PLEASE. Taylor Swift. Wedding of the Century. I just don’t think Swift’s the type of woman to send email wedding invitations. If I were her husband I would have been suspicious too and would have deleted it as spam without giving it a second thought.

And, if it was an invitation from Swift, who would want to go to a wedding from such a crass mother fucker. Amy Vanderbilt must have rolled in her grave and I would have been right there helping to spin her coffin. Call me old fashioned but if you don’t have enough class to spend a first class postage invitation through the US mail, I am not coming to your wedding with an electric toaster in hand. This is where I am afraid I draw the line as any self-respecting person would.

Then, did I mention, her tenuous connection? She barely knows the bride and has never met the groom. I am surprised that she was on the list at all. This would be reason enough for me to ignore the invitation. I really don’t know them that that well to feel comfortable sharing such an intimate moment. I have not attended weddings of people who I knew better than this and I didn’t feel the least bit bad about it.

No. No. You are missing the point. It is the wedding of the century. So what? Your claim to fame is that I was a plus one at the wedding of the century? Give me a fucking break. More troubling, is Lee is a psychotherapist. Talk about over reacting. I mean if I got a wedding invitation from someone who I worked for many years ago and that my partner knew even less, the idea that I would even bring it up with my partner in the first place is a bit of stretch. That my partner would get mad about this missed opportunity would leave me a bit baffled. Why am I getting so much grief over this?

But it is the wedding of the century. I heard you the first time and I repeat so what? I can think of a lot better ways to spend my weekend that watching two strangers get married in front of thousands of other people on a hot July day in New York — just so you can say you attended. I was fucking there and you weren’t. So take that. I don’t know about your psychotherapist but this would certainly make me one think twice before laying down on her office couch and telling her my problems.

Lee does seem to come to her senses at the end of her piece but not before making her husband feel bad enough to apologize to her for not understanding how important going to the wedding of the century might be for her. He apologized to her! If anyone deserves an apology here it is the poor husband who suffers through his wife’s over reaction to missing a stranger’s wedding.

Get a grip lady because the world has much bigger disappointments coming your way.

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I have mixed feelings about the successes of Democratic Socialists in New York and Colorado.

Personally, my views are close to these candidates, although I do have some disagreements which, while concerning, are insufficient for me to vote Republican or skip voting altogether. But, and this is the important point, I am not the typical general election voter. which is why I am concerned about this more leftward move of the Democratic Party.

What matters, above all else, is winning the general election and not ideological purity.

To start with, the Democratic primaries are different from a general election. Liberals should do better in Democratic primary elections because the Democrats are the more liberal party. It shouldn’t really surprise anyone. Will they be able to win in November is a much different story.

New York City is both more Democratic and Liberal than the rest of the country. Colorado is less so but still comfortably Democratic. These Democratic Socialist winners will all probably coast to election in their districts. Is this the case elsewhere? I would like to see how Democratic Socialists fare outside of Blue States — say Pennsylvania, Wisconsin or Michigan — three states that are vital to any Democratic victory.

This is yet to be seen and this is why I am concerned. I have heard the siren call of imminent Left Wing victories (see George McGovern, Jesse Jackson, Howard Dean and Bernie Sanders) too many times for these victories to signify a leftward movement in the country. Keep in mind, Hillary Clinton, hardly a Democratic Socialist, crashed and burned.

The overarching goal of this election is winning seats in the House and the Senate. Candidates need to be focused on putting a muzzle on Donald Trump and the economic issues affecting all Americans. If, in October, the Democrats are discussing which pronouns people should use then I am afraid this diversion will doom any success for the leftward trend in the country as a whole.

Let’s keep everyone can on board. Candidates don’t have to be perfect. They just need to be better than the Republican. Given the Trump take over the Republican party, this should be a piece of cake.

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Five years back, my partner and I bought a Kia Sportage. It was a smart car — which means, in our case, it has an internal computer system that will tell you when something is wrong with the car. The sales man’s pitch was that the Kia computer network would also see any of these warnings and all we would have to do is take the car in and they could take care of it. Sold.

So a week or so back, our Sportage computer system told us that our front headlight was malfunctioning. Bob took a look and sure enough one of the lights was out. He made an appointment with the service department and this is where things get a little weird.

Keep in mind all that needs to be done is change the headlight. This is a task that in my younger days I could actually perform. Yes, a gay man without any interest in cars whatsoever, changed an automobile headlight. It wasn’t easy because nothing mechanical is easy for me. It took me a few minutes to figure it out, a mistake here and there, but I was able to do it in under an hours time.

Now days, I try not to waste my hours figuring shit out when I can pay someone to do it. They will probably take a few minutes as opposed to my hour. We gladly turned it over to the Kia Service Department.

Well, it wasn’t as quick a task as we thought. Indeed it was, at least, a two day process. First we had to bring the car in so that Kia’s mechanics could determine what the problem was. Wait. The computer system warned us. Bob visually confirmed it. Couldn’t a mechanic just do the same thing?

Apparently not. The mechanic had to inspect it first to see if the computer was right. OK. That makes sense, but once the inspection was completed, why do we have to come back another day. Because they would have to order the part. A headlight? Keep in mind this is a huge sales and service center that runs across two blocks and multiple buildings. If we were looking to replace say an engine, yes by all means, get the part, but a headlight why wouldn’t they have that in store or, at the least, call a Kia parts store in the city and get the headlight the same day. But no, we were assured it would definitely be a two day process.

Bob takes the car in and the mechanic confirms what Bob saw and the car’s internal computer system warned us about — the headlight was burned out. The mechanic also helpfully informed us of an array of other tasks that the service department might perform. None of them were particularly urgent and we didn’t ask him to investigate in the first place. Thanks but no thanks.

The mechanic would order the part and let us know when it came in. Wait, this should take 24 hours right? Not necessarily. There might not be a Kia headlight in all of San Diego county — the 8 largest metropolitan area in the United States sitting a short drive away from the 2nd largest metropolitan area in the United States. But OK, we will wait for the call.

Forty-eight hours later Bob had an appointment. Bright and early one morning, he took the car again and asked if he could just wait for them to fix because surely putting on a headlight is a pretty quick fix and would require very little time to implement. Bob was then informed that no it wouldn’t be a quick fix and he should return home because they would have to take off the bumper in order to replace the headlight.

What? Now this seems like a major technological faux pas. Why would you create a car where a relatively simple task like changing a headlamp requires the removal of a bumper? Particularly when the cars of yesteryear had already mastered this particular design. Why would you make something that was so easy to do in the 20th Century so difficult to do in the 21st Century? The technician, of course, didn’t design the car so, of course, Bob left the car and waited for his call.

And waited and waited and waited. It was mid-afternoon and Bob was getting concerned about the delay. He, called the technician to check on the delay. The mechanic informed him that the car wouldn’t be available until late afternoon at the earliest. Indeed the car still hadn’t been worked on. A headlight. We agreed to pick it up the next day.

The good news was the headlight was under warranty and we didn’t have to pay but this seems like a lot of hassle to replace something so basic as a headlight.

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Sometimes a TV series catches me for the wrong reason and I force myself to watch to the end because this wrong reason captured my attention but I really should know better because I know I am going to be disappointed when I learn the reason. I Will Find You, a Netflex mystery series, is just such an animal.

First a spoiler alert. I will be revealing some of the mysteries in the show so if you intend to watch the series, which I don’t recommend, stop reading now. The good news here is that there are so many plot twists that you aren’t likely to remember them all unless you have a copy of my review available while watching. There are plot twists after plot twists after plot twists after plot twists. Bad cops who turn out to be really good cops who were acting bad for a good reason. This means I started out thinking they were good guys, then I found out they were bad guys, only to later learn that they were actually good. Are you still with me?

The problem starts at the very beginning. David Burroughs (Sam Worthington) is in prison for killing his son with a baseball bat. Awful. Bad David. He sits in prison, not taking any visitors, because he thinks he deserves it for killing his son during a black out. Rachel Mills (Britt Lower), his sister-in-law, visits him in prison despite his requests not to be visited because of how horrible a person he is. She shows him a picture of a photo she received that shows his son who has a very distinctive birth mark is very much alive. Burroughs realizes that maybe he didn’t kill his son and this sets into motion Burrough and Mill’s mission to discover the truth.

The hook that kept me watching now is firmly in place. I really want to know who would killed a small child with a baseball bat, kidnap another child and set up the child’s father for murder. There has to be a good reason for someone to do this, right? I mean killing a child to kidnap someone else’s child, that is a terrible thing to do to a kid and to Burroughs. What is it?

The next 8 episodes are so is a wild run of plot twists, a lot of them red herrings, vitally unnecessary to the actual plot but are thrown in there to keep you guessing. And there is so much to learn and then forget because they are irrelevant to the child’s murder. Things like a mob connection to the murder. The mob has absolutely nothing to do with the murdered child or to the story at all but that doesn’t stop the series from devoting several episodes to this plot line which proves to be both unnecessary and violent. The Mafia Don’s main man is killed, Burroughs is flown into Key West to meet his fate with the Mafia Don, and he learns that his best friend works for the Mafia Don.

So, it turns out, the nasty Mafia Don turns out to be just a good father interested in helping other good fathers, even good fathers who wrongfully sent his own son to prison where he is killed. The Don, who in the past swore revenge on the cops who set his son up, but decides to nothing to the police who screwed over his son even though he has captured and in his Key West home. The Don does nothing and actually is such a good sport about the whole threat thing, even though one of his top guys is killed, that he flies Burroughs back to home so he can further investigate his son’s disappearance. Even though his son still died in prison, his top guy back home is murdered because Burroughs thought the mob was involved and one the good/bad cops pulled a gun on him. Nothing on toward happens to anyone.

Are you still with me? Don’t worry, none of the Mafia Don plot twists have much to do with the actual story so you can forget them right here.

Finally there is the end. Oh boy what a fucking mess. I will just jump to the mess and won’t give you too many details because there are just too many of them and it would only serve to confuse you. To summarize — it involves troubled pregnancies, false names at fertility clinic, and the discovery that the guy who has been helping Burroughs throughout the show is actually a friendly psychopath. The psychopath, who I feel it is important to remind you, killed a small child with a baseball bat, thinks that Burrough’s son is actually his son and so with the assistance of his rich mother and her security man, they cover up his misbehavior because all the psychopath wants is to be a good father.

Yes, you heard that right. The psychopath kills one child in order to kidnap someone else’s child who the psychopath mistakenly believes is his and so he can raise this kidnapped child as his own There are many things I believe a mother might cover up for her son but I think that if my son had killed an innocent child in order to realize his parental goals, I might be a little concerned about his behavior and, dear God, why would I give him access to another small child. I shudder to think of the psychopath’s views on corporal punishment and so should the psychopath’s mother. Wouldn’t it just be easier to hire a woman to have his child? I am sure it wouldn’t be difficult to find a woman willing to bear his child for a cool million and, let’s face it, a lot less messy than covering up a murder.

To say nothing of the mother’s security man. There are plenty of other rich people who don’t have bat shit crazy sons that need security men, why fuck around with a psychopath who, I feel compelled to remind you, yet again, killed a child with a baseball bat and set up another man to take the fall for his client’s murder?

Some other minor points. Sam Worthington is an Australian and he was playing an American. His American accent was perfect but his acting was painfully stiff. It also doesn’t help that a lot of the primary male characters looked an awful lot alike — so that you spend a lot of the early episodes trying to figure out who is the grieving father, the psychopath, the wife’s new husband, and the grieving father’s best friend. I don’t ask this often but do all white men look alike? They do in this program.

The thing is what hooked me was the murder of a small child. The whole series I thought there better be a good reason for such a terrible act, only to discover that the innocent was sacrificed to fulfill a man’s ambition to be a good father. Good grief.

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All I wanted to know is if I paid my Macy’s bill. Pretty simple right. Wrong.

This should be a quick look at the online Macy’s site. Except, for some reason, my browser no longer seems compatible with Macy’s credit card payment information even though it will still show me all the marvelous things I can buy at Macy’s – page after page of sale items but every time I depress the credit card history link — a spinning hourglass. OK. No problem. I will just go to another browser.

The new browser doesn’t have my saved password and user ID. I can, however, see all the marvelous things I can buy at Macy’s but my personal profile which would lead me to my payment information is off limits. OK. A bit of a problem because I rarely use my Macy’s credit card and I don’t have the user ID and password memorized. Contrary to all security recommendations, but absolutely essential because there is no way I can remember all the password and user ID’s I have, I locate these details in a separate Word document.

I attempt to log in. Except the password and user ID don’t match Macy’s records. OK. Maybe I made a typo. I try again. No luck. What to do?

I go back to the old browser that will allow me to log in but will not display my payment history. I go to the log in screen. My password doesn’t display but I can see my user ID but not my password. Now I have one out of two items I need. The password is hidden by *. I can however count the number of * and from that I deduce the correct password. Bingo.

I am in except I can only see the marvelous things I can buy and not the actual amount I owe on my credit card. I eventually, after randomly depressing every link I can find, stumble across the credit card history page. Success.

I paid my bill.

This all could have been handled with a quick phone call to customer service but, as we all know, there is no such think as a quick phone call to customer service. A phone tree will answer with numerous questions about why I would like to talk to customer service and, while I am on hold, frequent reminders that this could all be handled much more quickly if I used the online site. Some of the time, this is true. This wasn’t one of them.

If I can use the online system, I will use the online system. But, sometimes it is easier for me to just talk to someone. The problem isn’t easily routed through phone tree analytics. So, if I am calling, I really need to talk to someone. Any one would do. Just let me talk to someone. Please. Pretty please with sugar on top. It will take them seconds to understand what I want and give me a reply.

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I have always taken pretty good care of my body. The underlying hope from all this care was that my body will get in shape. I will look and feel better from the effort.

I have reached an age (68) where I realize that no matter how hard I try that my body isn’t going to get better. The best I can hope for is maintaining what I have. I am beyond improvement. Indeed, chances are it will get worse and there is very little I can do about it.

Maybe some plastic surgery could buff up the exterior but I am afraid I’ve waited too long to get much benefit from it. Why go through a tummy tuck or a face lift and then drop dead the next day? If I am going to spend plastic surgery kind of money, I want to get plastic surgery kind of bang for my buck. So that ship has sailed.

I am trying not to be depressed about it because this is one of the many sad realizations you have as you get older. In the past I could look 20 years into the future and see a future. Now I think 88, there is a good chance I will be six feet under or spread across the Pacific Ocean (still haven’t decided yet).

There is no future really. Age forces you, at some point, to live in the moment. I don’t put things off any more. Things like saving money for retirement. Well, I am retired. What am I waiting for. Spend the fucking money now while I still can get some pleasure out of it.

Age is letting go of what you were. It is sad but also liberating. Fuck them. The good news for the rest of the world is that I don’t have a lot of energy for causing too much trouble. I won’t be leaping in and out of people’s beds, driving cars too fast, or robbing banks. Mostly I will just be a grumpy old man. But, on that, I can guarantee, so watch out.

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Ken Paxton, notoriously bad Christian and Republican candidate for the US Senate, caught again breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

I know he was a keen advocate for having them posted in Texas schools so that children know their importance as a basis for American Law. They are also a good guide in regulating personal behavior. Perhaps he should post them in his bedroom. He clearly needs a reminder.