Category: Product Design

By on

OK, I have a bit of a beef with Visine eye drops. The product is fine. Pretty much instant relief from itchy eyes. However getting the protective plastic wrap at the tip of the container is a challenge.

I am sure there is some easy way to rip the protective plastic wrap off but whatever that may be eluded me. It broke me. It got to the point I was trying to determine what form of physical force I could use to open the fucker. I am afraid to say that pounding it on the bathroom marble doesn’t work which led to me considering chewing through the wrapper.

The only thing that stopped me from this method was the embarrassment of having to explain my cracked tooth to my dentist who already thinks I am of an asshole because I won’t fix a tooth that he says is due for imminent collapse, something he has been saying for the last 7 years and has weathered the most rigorous assault from the vast arsenal of dental tools at my dental hygienist’s disposal. My tooth beats them every time.

I think it is pure orneriness on my part that I haven’t gotten it fixed. I get a great amount of pleasure in depriving my dentist of the couple of thousand dollars it would take to repair it. They have definitely toned down their pleas that I will be in Paris some day and my whole trip will be ruined when my tooth falls out. Now they just say I might put it on my calendar for this year.

So I am overdue for the damn tooth to come out. I would hate for it to break my tooth for such a lame reason that I lost my temper with the plastic wrapper on my eye drops that I, in a moment of uncontrollable anger, I decided to rip it off with my teeth. I couldn’t bear the look he would give me. After 7 long years of them trying to knock that fucker off with every dental instruments known to man, all it took was a plastic wrap to do the trick. I am afraid it would break him.

Anyway, back to the plastic wrap. I had to use my nose hair scissors to finally get underneath the plastic enough to remove it. It was a minor trauma in a life filled with minor traumas.

By on

I don’t know who came up with this ubiquitous milk carton spout (see directly below) but it is robbing me of small portions of milk every day. And I want them, Captains of Industry and Product Engineers, to know I am mad about it. Damn mad in fact. I can’t tell you how many times I successfully poured milk out of one of these spouts without spilling at least a few drops. I am pretty certain it is less than 5 and maybe even bordering on less than 3. This is particularly true when the milk carton is full. It is simply impossible to control the milk flow with any dexterity.

Why this spout has become the answer to the milk carton spout question is baffling. The damn spout is a complete failure of product engineering. And when you consider the previous spout (see example below) where the top part of the carton opens up into a spout, the new spout fails colossally. The old spout was a much easier pour because you can practically put the spout into the bowl, cup or glass without fail. You know the spout is in the container. The same can not be said for the new spout. I think I have the spout in the cup before I begin to pour. I play with my placement to ensure the spout is where it needs to be. Despite the focus I give my pour, I’m always wrong. Milk goes flying everywhere.

Not to mention it is better for the ecology as you are only using the carton for both the container and the spout. It is genius of simplicity. What exactly does the plastic spout add to the product — nothing as far as I can see, and you do have that plastic bit which will be be tossed into a landfill somewhere. And just so the titans of industry have some skin in the game, it has to be cheaper too. I mean you need the carton anyway, why not save a few pennies by using the carton as the spout too. See no plastic spout needed.

There it is. This spout is bad. Bad for the environment. Bad for business. Bad for pouring milk. Bad for me.

My rage now is vented.