I am beginning to hear something on a regular basis and it is really bothering me. Waiters are ask something to the effect, “Do you want a protein with Your Salad?” I was thrown the first time I heard this question. What kind of question is that. I mocked the waiter and thought what a pompous ass he is, a protein, my ass. After lunch, I never gave it another thought until I heard it again. Then again. I thought this has become annoying. Why don’t they just ask do you want chicken or salmon on your salad? Or just list the proteins that are an option. No, they have to doll it up. Protein.

It is snooty up selling which is about as bad as it gets. The customer hears protein and thinks for a few dollars more I can add some protein to my caesar salad. Protein is good. Salads aren’t protein. I need protein. Throw on a few pieces of chicken on to that caesar salad. I get what the restaurant is doing and can live with the up selling even though I, personally, will say no. I say no to up selling as a habit. I would say no even if I did want some protein on my salad because I want to discourage up selling whenever and wherever I can.

But calling meat and fish protein is pretentious and condescending. It screams a wasted college education and all I got out of it was a job waiting tables but I am still superior to you because you probably don’t even know what I am asking, you uneducated chump.

I live in southern California so I don’t know if this is a trend across the country, or, God forbid, the world. A lot of things that start here never make it past the state line and usually for good reason. I feel using the word protein to describe meat and fish is just one of those good reasons. For thousands of years, people have understood meat and fish. Calling them protein adds nothing to the restaurant transaction and only confuses people who might have slept through their high school biology courses.