My friend Ted passed this link to me as, I suspect, he thought it would rile me. It did. It was a problem sent to advice columnist where the columnist and her readers decide who the biggest assholes are in a specific situation. The problem was a vegetarian was attending a wedding and she told the bride that she wouldn’t be able to sit at a table where meat was served. What is a bride and groom to do? They settled for a solution that made nobody happy. They set up a vegetarian table so the only one at the squeamish vegetarian’s table were fellow vegetarians. The squeamish vegetarian didn’t like it, the other vegetarians didn’t like it, and the mother of the bride didn’t like it. WTF.

First, let me talk about the squeamish vegetarian. She should have never broached the subject in the first place. The bride had a vegetarian dish. The bride graciously assured her that she would have something to eat. But no, this wasn’t enough. She couldn’t sit at a table where meat was served. What exactly did she want the bride to do? Make everyone at the table eat the vegetarian dish because she was squeamish? The bride and groom came up with a solution — an admittedly bad one but it was the only workable one I could see — she put all of the vegetarians at one table. This should have ended the discussion but, of course, people being people, complained about that including the squeamish vegetarian. Really? You are going to complain about the only plausible solution the couple had to your demand. Sorry, but it is now time for the squeamish vegetarian to shut her mouth.

Then there is the bride and groom. They should have told her from the get go that while they know it will be difficult for her that they don’t see any way to accommodate her request without splitting up families which they are trying to avoid. Making sure she understands that they want her to attend but that they simply can’t guarantee her that everyone at her table won’t eat meat. It would then be up to the squeamish vegetarian to make up her mind on her next step.

Then the mother of the bride and the other vegetarians complaining that it was discrimination to put the vegetarians at one table. Come on. Seating people at a wedding is a Hellish job, someone always is going to be unhappy about their seating. Someone also has to sit next to boorish cousin Ralph too. This wedding you may have pulled the short straw. Get over it. It is an hour dinner. Once the plates are cleared, people usually move around from table to table, talking to other guests. No one much cares about the seating chart anymore. You will survive this experience.

What bothers me most about this incident is the notion that something so petty as where you are sitting at a dinner reception warrants a complaint to the bride and the groom. I should take time from my life in order that you aren’t exposed to meat. I should sit at a table with my family and friends and not be at a table full of strangers. If you don’t accommodate me, you are wrong, you are discriminating against me. These are, at worst, minor annoyances that people experience every day. Generally the appropriate behavior is to suck it up and move on without even thinking about again. To escalate them to complaints in a middle of a person’s wedding reception is childish and unnecessary. What is supposed to happen? Is the already busy bride and groom supposed to stop everything, look at the seating chart, make the changes you want so you will be happy for the one hour it takes to eat dinner? I suggest growing up because in this way you will get more pleasure out of the wedding and the bride and groom will be spared having to solve petty problems in the middle of their reception.