My book club read Connie Willis’ The Doomsday Book. The book was about a woman who travelled to medieval England around the time of the Bubonic Plague. Part of our discussion was about whether we would travel to the past if we had the opportunity. I expressed no desire to go back in the past. My friends understood my concern, no one wanted to live permanently in the past, but they were perplexed that I wouldn’t want to see how people lived in the past. I gave it more thought because everyone else seemed to be curious enough to want to see the past. After giving it a think, I can confirm that I have absolutely no desire to see how people lived in the past. I am happy to read about it from a safe distance.

First, and this, I believe, is the most important point here, I am not falling for this is only a short visit to the past and that we will be able to bring you back. No problem. Trust the technology. Having read a few time travel books in my time, the whole point of them is people getting trapped in the wrong time. You can’t have a time travel book without having a time travel problem. For me, it is definitely not worth the risk just to see people living in wretched poverty and dying young from infections that penicillin can now cure. I can imagine the misery fairly well and do not need confirmation of the horror.

Even if the mad scientists could guarantee a safe return to now, I don’t really see the point of making the trip. The preparation is more than stepping into a little time travel apparatus and ending up in 1492. Willis, in her book, describes all the work a time traveller had to put into their trip — learning the language, learning the customs, learning the appropriate behavior of that period and, even after all that study, because nobody knows for sure if historical information is correct, you could still wind up being burned at the stake for doing the wrong thing. Why would I spend all that time preparing for a two week adventure to the past? And, really, if I couldn’t learn French before going to France, I certainly am not going to put in even more time so I could to fit into medieval England for a couple of weeks.

Then there is the absence of flush toilets. In a moment of temporary madness I joined the Boy Scouts as a lad so I have dug latrines and have used them. I never want to do either ever again. Not even for a couple of weeks. Not even for a day. Thanks for the invitation to visit but I will stay in the present. Now if you want to go, I will be happy to see the slide show of your trip.