Members of a Catholic church in England reported their priest gave a sermon suggesting that, given the way Jesus died, he probably died with an erection. So now it has become big news and a lot of people are talking about it. Which is irritating for the following reasons:

1. What Jesus’ erection has to do with the crucification is beyond me. It sounds like the priest was giving graphic details of how a man dying on the cross would suffer. The priest was giving way to much data here. Yes, it is important to know Jesus suffered, but I think even a child can figure out that being nailed to a cross is no picnic. Why the priest had to throw in all the gory details which included that in Jesus dying minutes the blood rushed to his penis and caused him to pop a boner seems beyond the pale. It’s irrelevant to the Easter Story.
2. Since there is no earthly reason for the priest to discuss Jesus’ erection, why did he drop this little bomb into his Easter sermon? He had to know that mentioning the word erection during a church service was going to cause a commotion. The mere mention of anything sexual perks up the ears of the more Puritanical members of any congregation. They heard erection and their knives were drawn and ready. This was professional suicide on a grand level. It says a lot that he decided to kick the chair out from under him during one of the most well attended church days of the year. I can only think that he was sick of his job and decided to go out in a blaze of glory. He succeeded.
3. It doesn’t really matter because popping a boner while dying is not a sin. Even though the priest has been removed from his position and it looks like he did something wrong, there is absolutely no theological debate regarding men who have erections while dying. Men in their prime often find themselves erect for no apparent reason whatsoever. It just happens. I realize that Jesus’ erection is unimportant and the Pope has way more important things to deal with but he might mention this in a future speech or sermon sometime if he is running short of material — erections are not sinful.
4. Jesus, up until his death, was a human being subject to the same human temptations as any other human being. Isn’t that an important part of the Jesus story? He struggled with his humanity like any other human while he was here. An erection just humanizes the man. Although, I think, in keeping with the Easter story, that Jesus’s death is a better illustration of his humanity and is very much in keeping with the Easter Story.
5. Some of the church scolds were worried that children might have heard this story. Let me assure everyone, as a young person who once spent every Sunday in Mass, the children missed it entirely. All I recall about Mass was my eyes would glaze over upon entering church and for the next hour I daydreamed or looked at people or tried to talk to one of my siblings in the pew with me but I rarely, if ever, paid attention to the priest. The only thing I can remember is my parents rousting me out of my slumber in order to get to communion. Mass, as every kid forced to go knows, is a snoozefest.
6. This is not a free speech issue. The Catholic Church is not a public entity and should be free to police their employees as they wish. They did.
7. Why is this getting so much press? I can see that it may be an issue for the members of the church, but for the larger world it is nothing but the press stirring a pot to see what kind of controversy they can create with a nothing event. I don’t know why they wasted precious headline space on this when they could be talking about something really important like the Met Gala or Taylor Swift. It’s like the press has lost all sense of what is important.

Finally, on a brighter note, I would recommend the name Jesus’ Erection as a great name for any new band who are looking for a catchy name. It is sure to get noticed, all you have to be is good and the world is your oyster.