I like my doctor and his staff (all of one person). It is a small office and whenever I call the doctor’s assistant either answers the phone or she responds to my messages in a timely manner. So my complaint here isn’t a general one, it is about the big doctor’s office which increasingly run medical offices in the USA. I understand that sharing resources, like switchboards, is cost effective way for doctors to handle their office overhead overall but I have yet to encounter one that delivers good service.

The most annoying aspect is they all have an automated phone tree. You know press 1 for billing, press 2 for appointments, press 3 for etc. etc. The phone tree is a great idea gone bad. They are usually too long for me. I have drifted off thinking about something completely unrelated to my phone call by the time the message ends and I haven’t heard or have missed the department I needed so I have to repeat the message and hope I can focus long enough to get my department.

Then, while waiting for the operator to answer, there is the annoying reminder that I really should be consulting the website. Why are you calling when you can consult the website and get all of your answers there. You are just waiting for who knows how long when you could be looking at the website or leaving a message. Why are you still holding, you fucking idiot, go to the website. If I could get the answer from the website, I wouldn’t be calling the office. I always consult the website first because, even at grand old age of 68, I know you are supposed to consult the website first. One reminder would be sufficient, the constant reminders are irritating so much so that if I do get lucky and actually am connected to person, I am usually livid when they answer. It isn’t pretty.

I would take the phone tree up on the option to leave a message if the office would in fact, return my phone call. My experience with phone tree messages is rarely, if ever, do I get a return phone call. Which is odd. If I leave a message on an actual person’s recorder, I usually get an answer. If I have waited for a half hour and reached the point where I realize nobody is going to answer my phone call and I leave a message on the office’s general phone line — I almost never get a response. And I do mean never.

Then there is the baffling experience when the phone forces me to leave a message even after I have committed to staying on the line no matter what. The call gets switched to an answering machine that says — please leave a message at the beep. I am usually so stunned when this happen that I can’t leave a coherent message. I was all right with waiting. Why can’t I wait anymore but you have heard the beep, the phone tree has made it’s decision and you force to leave a message I know will never be answered.

Phone trees might make sense to the budget conscious medicine business complex but it is wretched customer service particularly when a great many of the callers are older and less adept in dealing with automation period. It is frustrating and confusing instead.

I do want to share one secret that works most of the time for me. Press the button for billing. Billing almost always answer the phone and they can usually connect you with the person you need.