Tag: Fashion

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First it is important to know that I hate the color orange. It hurts my eyes every time I see it. So the above shirt had one strike against it to begin with. But, upon closer inspection, it just gets worse. Orange, as I have said, is a problem for me but the combination of green, white and orange is ghastly. Then the patterns are inconsistent in a way that makes the shirt look poorly put together. You have orange line running down the left side of the shirt surrounded by squares, except for the one section where the buttons are which looks like a sideways Utah and gives the appearance of being wonky and amateurish. This is a horrible looking shirt that I can only see senior golfers wearing when the nicer shirts are at the bottom of the dirty cloths basket. A definite no from me.

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How long will it take to get into this apparatus? Seriously. I am used to pulling up my underwear in one fairly quick tug. The straps, that pouch, this is going to take some time to assemble, don’t you think? You just can’t tell a lover that you are going to slip into something a bit more comfortable and come out an hour later in this. You might find a sleeping partner.

Even if you do manage to get it on, how long will it take to get it off. A teenage boy struggling with a bra would have better luck than someone who is entrapped in this. Imagine an erect member is such a small pouch and multiple straps to release. The mind boggles on how difficult this would be to disentangle in a moment of passion. Talk about your mood killer.

Then there is the faux bra, why? The whole structure of the garment resembles a bra more so than a leather harness. I have nothing against bras but really not a good look for a guy trying to capture a more masculine look. The delicate shoulder straps, the bottom strap offering support, the top strap revealing cleavage. Look at it and tell me you don’t think bra. And, although ultimately less important for the throes of passion, I imagine getting in and out, particularly in a pinch, might be a struggle as well.

I can see only frustration and confusion for the couple who decides to make this fashion choice.

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I have already expressed my shock in seeing Kanye West’s wife near naked body at the Grammys. The bigger problem with Bianca Censori’s display of flesh is the attention it is grabbing from a compliant press. Since people are shocked, they are talking about it. I, writing about it now, am part of the problem. I apologize. It is just too big of a juicy target to ignore and I can’t help myself which is also part of the problem.

It is a self-replicating problem. Famous people know that they will get press if they do something shocking. The papers, because they think people will read it, publish the scandalous story. I, because it is a scandalous story, read it. Once the scandal has drained every bit of media attention, a new attention seeking celebrity enters the fray.

First, and most importantly, it is about absolutely nothing other than Kanye West’s need for publicity. He knows how to create controversy and he did it. But what now, other than a few more days of Kanye making the headlines, is this about?

This trivial event, also, reveals how sadly out of touch Hollywood and the Media is with the rest of the country. It’s both titillating and boring. Kanye has become so lame, so desperate for attention that he will ask his wife to expose herself in front of millions. The media will roll out all the really important people to talk about the controversy. Opinions will churn for days to come but nobody outside the environs of Hollywood much cares.

But West, Hollywood and the Media think we do. This has long been an explanation for the sensationalist press. It isn’t our fault. We are giving the public what they want. They want to see people behaving badly so we, wishing we could report on the serious issues of the day but also needing to make money, will report about it. We aren’t the villain here, the public is.

I am not sure what to do here. I understand. If perusing the headlines and you give me a choice about reading about the problems in the Middle East or a naked celebrity, I’m afraid I am going to choose the naked celebrity every single time. Between my need to be entertained and the media’s need to make money, I am stumped on how to proceed.

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Bianca Censori, Kanye West’s wife, appeared nude at the Grammys last nights. And everybody is “shocked.”

Of course, everybody is far from shocked. Given the arc of Grammy’s fashion, nudity had to come into play eventually and so it has. People say shocked because there isn’t really another word for the feeling one has of seeing a naked woman married to a powerful man coming to a public even in nothing. On the other hand, it is difficult to see how people can honestly be shocked in a world where there is 24hours a day cable television. Once I saw rimming on the White Lotus, I realized anything was possible. There is really very little that can be described as shocking anymore.

The problem with shocking people is that celebrity culture has upped the game so much that more and more flesh needed to be shown in order to count as shocking. A revealing nightgown just wouldn’t cut it anymore when the goal was the headlines West was after. Anyone can do a revealing nightgown. Kanye had to come up with something really big in order to top previous daring fashion choices. You have to give West credit, he managed to pull it off. He wanted to “shock” the denizens of celebrity culture and he succeeded. They claim to be “shocked.” Kanye, Mission Accomplished.

In the process, though, I wonder how anyone can really claim to be shocked by much of anything. If at each celebrity event, people are waiting to be shocked by what people are wearing, then the word shocked has become so debased it is meaningless.

In the meantime, West, ever the game changer, has forced the issue in such a way that the only direction to go is showing less flesh. I mean no flesh if at all possible. Mark my words burkhas and old fashion nun’s habits will be the next big fashion statement. It will be shocking, right?

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Yesterday I reported on a terrible fashion trend in men’s underwear and I am seeing more even more outlandish ones today:

It looks like the man is wearing a very large diaper and a too small bra. And the zipper. What purpose could it have but make dressing up in it even more difficult? What in God’s name were they thinking? Why would any self respecting man think that rambling into their bedroom with this on would spark a romantic tryst is beyond me.

This has so much wrong with it I don’t now where to begin. It is aesthetically unpleasing, impractical to wear and it looks terribly uncomfortable. A definite no from me.

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When I was a young man one of the things that appalled me was middle-aged men in socks and sandals. These men were at the bottom rung of cool. They had fallen so far from fashionable that they would go out looking like that. See above.

And then it happened to me. First it was just a one time thing. I had to help Bob with the groceries and my socks were on and my shoes weren’t. It was too easy to slip on my flip flops and help then for me to find my tennis shoes, slip them on and tie the laces. Besides nobody would see me. It has advanced to running chores around town because I will only be out for a minute or two and it isn’t likely that anyone will see me.

Now I just don’t give a damn. See below, me today.

Yes I have succumbed to the ultimate fashion faux pas for men — socks and sandals. Pray for me.

If you want to see more of this fashion abomination, go to this site.

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Speaking as a sexy man, I just don’t think this particular fig leaf is worth the effort.

First, there are way too many straps. I prefer that my underwear is easy to put on and take off. I am pretty certain I would get caught in the tangle of straps and that the flame of passion would be extinguished before I could untangle myself from my underwear.

Then, the straps would need to be adjustable for the improportionate man. Let’s face it that is most of us. Which means it will either sag who knows wear or be so tight as to make breathing impossible and endangering younger men’s potential for children.

There would also be problems if the straps were adjustable. The challenge would be to balance the straps so that the whole ensemble looks enticing. The more straps, the more time spent adjusting. This looks like a good half an hour of adjusting just to get it on. Every minute spent dressing is one less minute spent seducing, not a very good distribution of effort to result ratio if you ask me. Better to spend it on sweet nothings than strap encumbered underwear.

Creeping underwear syndrome would cause further problems if the gentleman is entertaining the object of his desire with a candlelight dinner first. How many trips to the bathroom would a man have to make before he got the straps adjusted in such a way that he could both sit and stand comfortably? I shudder to think what his date might think is going on after the fifth trip to the restroom. I am betting it isn’t I can’t wait to seem him in his multiple strapped underwear.

Sorry, I think I am going to stick with simple pair of jockeys and hope that the sinewy display of abs and gluts will make up for the lack of straps.

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Dress shirt with short shorts, loafers with white socks, this is a fashion faux pas of epic proportions. I know there have been rumblings about Paul Mescal’s sexuality in the past but this should confirm it. Only a straight man would go out in this get up and think it was Ok.

Please no feedback about this slam of straight men. Some of my best friends are straight men. I honestly like straight men but, come on, you have to admit it, no self respecting gay guy would go out looking like this. Sorry, straight men I will stand by this.

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About 25 years ago I began to receive a catalogue for Cheap Undies for men. It came out of nowhere one day and I thought why am I getting this? I would never wear any of this and after giving it more thought I realized somehow, someone out their in the wide world web had figured out that I was gay. I am betting that straight males are not receiving these kind of catalogues. It is much more likely that they are receiving Victoria’s Secret.

I only say this because I wouldn’t want people to think I actually would wear anything like this. I am much more of the on sale brand at Macy’s kind of guy. I won’t buy the cheapest underwear, because like with wine buying, I think it is important to buy the 2nd cheapest as opposed to the cheapest. It sets you apart from the really cheap people. I wouldn’t want the clerk to get the wrong idea about me. It’s a rule for me — the 2nd cheapest pair of underwear, the 2nd cheapest bottle of wine.

And certainly nothing sexy or stylish. In my youth, I tried to wear them as to increase my sexual appeal. I usually felt vaguely uncomfortable and like a bit of a poser. And if you really consider underwear, it is the one item of clothing not available for perusal prior to picking up, so it seems like investing in a nicer T shirt or tighter jeans was a better investment. This is to say, in case you are missing my point and calming your fears about how sexy I think I am, I will not be purchasing the above products any time soon.

So now that I got that awkward stuff out of the way. What is it with the get up on gentleman number 1. Numbers 2 and 3 I get but what is that strap around the neck doing on the first young man. It looks like the straps to a bra. Without the bra. For a man. The only thing I can come up with is it draws the eye to his chest? But after a few seconds of grateful admiration I always return to what is he wearing and why?

It looks, and I am really trying to think of a gentle way to put this but can’t so I will just come out and say it, stupid. Why not go with the naked chest alone? Or a tank top or t Shirt? But a strap around the upper chest? Huh?