Tag: diet

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After about 3 years of struggle to maintain waist size 36, I am sad to announce I surrender and am moving on to waist size 38. I put up a valiant effort with frequent exercise but a diet of beer, wine, eating out and sweets finally took its toll.

The final blow in my struggle occurred at Macy’s when I tried on a pair of 38 inch waist jeans and found them to be much more comfortable than my size 36 waist jeans. It an extraordinary quick turnaround — all 36 inch waist jeans were returned to the shelves while I purchased the 38 inch waist jeans. I now am looking at more slacks in 38 inch size, extra large shirts and mumus so any hope for my return to a 36 inch waist should be abandoned.

Services for the 36 inch size slacks/jeans/pants will be held at the local Goodwill shop. No flowers are necessary but if you feel it is necessary to make some contribution, please send chocolate eclairs, fried chicken or bottles of wine to the family home.

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Eating fruits and vegetables has been linked to lung cancer.

Well, fuck it. I mean this is it. There is a link to cancer in absolutely everything we do. Might as well eat all the chocolate chip cookies I can get my grubby little paws on then.

What I find irritating about this is I think we humans have deluded ourselves into thinking there is some magic formula that will get us around sickness and death. And Mother Nature, like Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown to kick, keeps coming back with her irrefutable answer — fooled you yet again.

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I have reached the age where I realize that my body just isn’t going to get any better. As someone who has been exercising regularly since I was in my early 20’s, it has come as bit of a shock. My idea for exercising was eventually I would get it right — the perfect body. And, at some point, I whipped it into pretty good if imperfect shape. But not any more.

For the past 20 years, I have resigned myself to maintenance. Just keep the old boy presentable. But,in the past few years, it has dawned on me that even maintenance is no longer possible. The hairline keeps receding, what is left is grey. The stomach which I kept comfortably around a 34 inch waist simply won’t return. I’ve tried. I stopped running because when you run, you fall occasionally, the falls just took it out of me and I worried that the next fall would cause broken bones instead of scrapped knees.

More distressing is I have had to watch what I eat. For most of my life, I have been on the skinny side. Indeed, when I was an adolescent I could stuff myself to the point of sickness and not gain a pound. No more. Just a casual glance at a chocolate chip cookie can drive my weight higher.

I surrender. I donated all the 34 inch waist pants to the more in shape out there. I will try to maintain the 36 inch waist as long as possible but once the amount of work and diet I have to put into keeping a 36 inch waist exceeds the pleasure I have in living, well, the 36 inch waist trousers are gone as well.

It is both sad and liberating to feel this way. Sad that my body has seen its best days. Liberating in that I can focus on enjoying my life without guilt because no matter what I do to make my body better looking it is never going to make me better looking than the average 20 year old after gorging on pizza and beer. So I might as well enjoy the pizza and beer.

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I don’t know why I never realized this before now but butter is absolutely the best addition a person can make to any food. The best. It can make a stale piece of bread taste delicious. Maybe there can be too much butter but I seriously doubt it. I have never had that experience. Too much pepper yes, too much salt, an emphatic yes. But butter never. Even if I don’t like the taste of something, or I think I won’t like it, I can be persuaded to try it if this thing is slathered in butter. So I have tried snails and oysters but the only reason I even attempted a taste was because of the butter.

This is an irrefutable truth.