Since Bob’s fall, I have learned the secret of getting what you want in the American Medical System — be aggressive. It is the one piece of advice I get from almost anyone who has had any dealings with the system. Be aggressive. You have to be an advocate for your loved one in order to get the treatment they deserve. This advice is given to me so often that it took me awhile to hear what people are actually saying.

I thought good medical insurance was sufficient for good treatment but it also helps to be a bit of an asshole. Now some of you will say being aggressive is not necessarily being an asshole. You can politely but firmly be aggressive. But that wasn’t the advice I was getting. People were actually saying be an asshole, get in their faces, don’t let them push you around. Some of this advice came from medical professionals.

Also, and this is important, why do I have to be aggressive at all? If my insurance covers it, why do I have to aggressively monitor his treatment at all. He should be getting it without asking. But this isn’t the impression of an awful lot of users of the American Medical system.

The saddest part of this advice is we passively accept it as they way things are. The only way to get good treatment is to be aggressive. So, yeah, mother fucker, I will do whatever it takes to get my loved one what he needs. My biggest worry since Bob’s accident is am I being aggressive enough. What did I fail to see or do. Who should I be chasing down. Will Bob get screwed by some mistake I made. This is hardly conducive to healing the patient and it is exhausting for his loved ones.