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“I don’t care what they call me as long as they mention my name.”

George M. Cohan

“There is no such thing as bad publicity. “

P.T. Barnum

Missouri state Senator Bill Eigel worries that the vague writing of an Abortion Bill would allow one year olds to get abortions. Why he is worried is a bit of a mystery. One year olds are incapable of pregnancy, so their need for abortions isn’t really an issue here. It won’t happen so it is nothing to be worried about. But, anyway, when has that stopped politicians from making an issue out of nothing.

Just for the sake of argument, let’s assume there is a one year old girl needing an abortion. She is unable to give her consent in the first place, so she was raped. the very people who would be protected by passage of the bill — victims of incest and rape. Furthermore, and the most important point to consider here, it is impossible for a one year old girl to carry a full term pregnancy to birth. She would need an abortion to save her life. So, if anyone should get an abortion, a pregnant one year old absolutely should.

If it were biologically possible which it isn’t.

On the other hand, Eigel generated a lot of pro-Life points fighting the scourge of one year olds seeking abortions. He also was able to get it without really having to take a stand on anything important. There won’t be any stories about one year olds dying from botched abortions or doctors debating whether to give a one year old an abortion because it will never happen. This, however important it is to you and me, is irrelevant to Eigel and his supporters. Eigel still gets pro-Life points for opposing abortion and, particularly important, defending babies from abortion clinics who would think nothing of aborting non-existent fetuses from one year olds.

The press dutifully reported Eigel’s concerns. The press will report any outrageous statement from any elected official because it might tempt shocked readers into reading their paper. Who wants to read about actual mature women needing an abortion when they can debate endlessly about one year old who will never need one. The only thing that happened here was Eigel got his name in the paper an his reputation enhanced with his voters.

You will all be relieved to know, pro-Choice or pro-Life, that one year olds will not have access to legal abortion. Absolutely nothing was learned from this nor was any debate furthered in discussing it. Why this was a newsworthy event is still a mystery but I am certain that the press would only use their limited space to report on truly important issues. Right?

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J.K. Rowling is in a bit of trouble for misgendering India Willoughby. In a nutshell, Rowling called Willoughby a man because he was born as a boy, then transitioned into a woman. A bit of to and fro had been going on between the two about trans women being men because they were born male. There are strong feelings on both sides of this argument. Rowling thinks that there is still an argument and feels like she is free to put her two cents in; Willoughby believes that the matter is settled and that Rowling should fall in line and, if she won’t come willingly, then the police will make her.

Willoughby is wrong. Challenging Rowling in this way isn’t the answer because Willoughby has jumped the gun. The matter isn’t settled. If it had been settled people like J.K. Rowling wouldn’t be disagreeing. Rowling’s position seems quite reasonable. Rowling will defend Trans people’s rights and thinks they should be treated with dignity and respect. What she does disagree about is that someone born male has a biological structure different from someone born female and that difference matters. I am not sure why this is even a controversy because many trans women alter their born bodies in order to obtain a body more in line with their desires. Why would you need medical intervention if your body wasn’t different?

Rowling could throw Willoughby a bone and call her a woman.Willoughby’s mind is set in stone so there really is no point in talking to her about it. It would certainly make Rowling’s life easier. But Rowling, who feels harassed by Willoughby, has reached the end of her patience and has just said fuck it. If she wants to fuck with me, I am going to fuck with her back. Whether this was a good decision on Rowling’s part is beside the point. Rowling has a right to state her opinion. Willoughby may not like being called a man but Rowling has some evidence to support her contention and has every right to speak on the matter.

I would have more sympathy for Willoughby if Rowling was following her around and calling her a man publicly just to embarrass Willoughby. But Willoughby is engaging Rowling in a debate. She is keeping the dialogue going. Indeed, she is calling Rowling a bigot. If you are calling someone names, you need to be prepared to be called something back in return. If you want to stop Rowling from calling you a man, Willoughby might consider stopping her campaign against Rowling. I’m pretty sure Rowling would then stop calling her a man. But if you continue to throw punches, you should expect people to punch back.

At any rate, calling the cops is an incredibly weak response. It suggests that she is losing the argument with Rowling and that the only way for her to win is to call in the law. She is assuming the law will side with her. She may be correct. But from where I am sitting, Rowling looks more assured. She certainly is confident enough in her position to keep this argument between the two of them and not call in the cops for back up.

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Democracy is at stake or so we are told. America’s two largest political parties are going to nominate aging unpopular candidates as their nominees. The Republicans because they think they were cheated and want revenge and the Democrats because, well, I don’t know why. I am told there is no one better. For many voters, this means, it could come down to flip of the coin which is frightening when you consider the very close races that decided the elections in both 2016 and 2020.

But not to worry, Trump will be a convicted felon by election day. Or not. I don’t know why people think the courts would save the day. Have these people ever dealt with courts? I know it has been loads of fun watching Trump getting frustrated by these court appearances but this is the type of ordeal that Trump was made for.

Trump has been using the courts his entire adult life to gain advantage and he understands the key to winning is delay. He knows how to wear people down until his nemesis surrenders and makes a deal. Now Trump has even a better option than a deal. If he delays long enough and wins the presidency, he can pardon himself.

The Democrats argue that the best response to Trump is Joe Biden. I wish I shared their confidence because Biden trails Trump in the polls. Biden is in trouble because many people think he is too old to be president. This could be handled easily by putting the old boy out there on the campaign trail. But someone is keeping him off and this would be fine if it helped. But it doesn’t. It’s a no win position. If Biden makes public appearances he looks old and if he doesn’t make appearances people think he is hiding because he is too old.

Don’t worry. Joe is saving it for the Fall. I am not sure why Biden will be better in the Fall because his problem is a perception of being old. He isn’t recovering from an illness and can expect to be in better shape after a short rest, he will, in fact, be even older in the Fall. Unfortunately, while Biden is comfortably resting,Trump is grabbing all the press — good, bad, or indifferent. Trump may be crazy but he is certainly visible and Trump likes being visible. He thrives on it. So, perhaps the Democrats nominating a candidate who has to save it for the fall isn’t the appropriate choice for such a rigorous undertaking as running for president.

People are saying that Trump is cornered now and has nowhere to run. This seems to be wishful thinking by the powers that be and a continual mistake that people make when dealing with Trump. In 2016, the Republican Establishment assured us that there is no way Trump could be nominated. Well, he was. The Democrats gave us Hillary Clinton who they assured us was the candidate who could defeat Trump. She wasn’t. Trump was impeached once. He laughed that one off. He slyly instigated violence on January 6. He denied everything and told us that we got it all wrong and began rewriting the history of the day. His supporters backed him. He was impeached again. Almost the entire Republican party got in line to say that nothing actually happened despite what they said to the contrary on January 6.

Trump has survived some very heavy fire and is relatively unscathed. At this point, I have more confidence that Trump has a better understanding about what is going on than the doyens in the press and government. Trump is constantly being underestimated which is sad for a man so dangerous. Just because they think a man is an uncouth idiot doesn’t mean everyone else agrees with them. This continual confidence that Trump is finally on the ropes displays a stunning amnesia of recent history. Trump has beaten his betters time and again and they don’t seem to realize it. Which is more than a little disconcerting.

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Missouri Governor Mike Parson reduced the time for the son of Kansas City Chief coach Andy Reid DUI sentence. Parson said that Britt Reid had already exceeded the average DUI sentence which is his explanation for his action. My big question here was he looking at all DUI sentences or all DUI sentences which involved a collision and injury. Reid’s DUI involved a badly injured child which rightfully might have added to his final sentence. This clarification would be helpful in assessing Parson’s actions.

Regardless, Parson’s pardon of Reid annoys me. Britt Reid is well connected and wealthy. He may be worthy of sentence reduction but it looks terrible. How many deserving but less connected people failed to get a pardon for the DUI conviction?

It may not be fishy but it certainly looks fishy. Even if Reid was serving more time than the usual DUI perp, appearances matter. It looks unfair when someone with connections gets a lighter sentence because everyone knows then that the rich and the connected get breaks that the rest of us don’t. It isn’t a good look for the law.

Parson can deny that connections had anything to do with it but it would be a lie. Reid got brought to his attention because Reid’s father was Andy Reid. Reid could pay for lawyers to do all the right things to get their client off the hook. Even if everything Parson did was above board, and I have no reason to suspect otherwise, there is a perception problem about justice in this country and this just confirms that it is unfair.

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I am afraid the US is about to abandon the Ukraine. I would love for the Ukrainians to win but I don’t have much confidence in that happening. What they need costs too much money for the US to provide. So, people here in the United States, are rightfully asking why are we paying money on a losing cause. The bloom is off this particular flower.

Trump feels shit like this in his bones, Biden and his crew have to talk about our moral responsibility to Europe which highlights the big difference between the two positions. Biden has to explain his position and Trump is stating the obvious. Why spend billions of dollars for the Russians to win any way or, at least, grab big chunks of the Ukraine. If bad things are going to happen, you might as well get it over with. It isn’t nice but it is understandable while Biden’s position sounds like a waste of money. Billions of dollars to not exactly win but to not exactly loose either. So, the taxpayer reasonably asks, what am I paying for?

And when you try to bring up things like moral responsibility, Biden and his fellow Ukraine supporters are heading into choppy waters because well, it isn’t really a moral problem if all you are doing is giving money. The truth is we would like for the Ukrainians to win because they were invaded and their position better fits our understanding of how the world should operate. Big powerful countries shouldn’t invade smaller less powerful countries. But it isn’t so important that we should send troops. Once you put it like that, the moral calculation looses a little of its oomph. This ceases to be a moral calculation and becomes simply a preference. This a money moral problem not a troops morale problem. A big difference which the American tax payer can see without looking terribly hard. No explanation is needed.

Which means the best case scenario is the Ukraine will be cut up a little to satisfy Putin’s blood thirst and people will pat Zelenskyy on the back and say nice try and better luck next time. So, really, nothing moral about it. The Ukraine/Russian war became too expensive and there is no solution that allows both parties to come out with their dignity in tact. So Putin retains his, at least publicly, while Zelenskyy gets to eat the shit sandwich.

It is all sad but predictable. The Ukrainians will have to be satisfied with a stalemate. They proved their mettle which is a good thing for the world and for the Ukraine, they will come out of this with something tangible if not everything they deserved. The Russians couldn’t win either which is far more embarrassing. Hopefully there is some Russian intrigue going on behind Putin’s back. He wasted a lot of Russian troops, money and the world’s public standing while gaining little in return. He gets pretty much what he came into the war with, so his Russian pals might have their swords out looking for him. I suppose that is something to look forward to. Yeah, well, right?

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Nepo kids, a perfect term by the way, are the children of famous people who, supposedly of their own accord, also obtain a modicum of success in some famous person profession. There is some, not totally unwarranted, suspicion that these kids had a leg up in their climb to success. Well, the Huffington Post recently highlighted the struggles that many of these Nepo kids had when they matured. Many were financially abandoned by their parents and forced to get jobs. You heard that right jobs. Think about it. Just remember to have a hanky near you as the stories of their travails are heart rendering. Just in case you missed the link here it is again — Nepo kids. (Hint, please read the link)

I found myself laughing over this pathetic attempt to make these people stories even remotely like a real person’s struggle. The first story shows how really difficult these kids have it. Dakota Johnson had to ask her mother for money instead of her father after he cut her off financially. That was her big problem. I mean it sounds like Hell, I know. I am not sure how the poor thing survived.

Then there is the story of Jamie Lee Curtis. She was cut out of her father’s will which was pretty shabby if you were a 18 year old girl but she was 52 years old when her father died. I think she had plenty of time to milk her parent’s fame and fortune in her rise to the top. Tori Spelling also had will problems. Her take was only $800,000. What an insult, if I would have been her I wouldn’t even have bothered to collect it.

Then they talk about Prince Harry and this is when I started laughing uncontrollably. They are trying to say that that idiot’s climb to corporate power and a luxury home in one of the poshest, if not the poshest, towns in Southern California is the result of his talent and not that his father is the King of England. I mean isn’t the whole structure of the monarchy based in nepotism? I mean if anyone deserves to be called a Nepo kid, Prince Harry is the definition.

But Kourtney Kardashian gives away the game when she said her Dad told her he would help her find a job. Well, yes, there it is — the leg up. You got a break that a normal person wouldn’t get. Their stories are clearly different to the struggles of less connected and wealthy people. Their complaints are incomprehensible to me.

This points to a bigger problem which is a blindness to what is actually happening to the rest of the world who aren’t as fortunate. It is disheartening and more than a little disingenuous. Some of these people might be genuinely talented and deserve their success. OK. But the world is full of talented people. Most of them don’t have the connections these people have and it matters.

I don’t blame them for using these advantages. I would have used them too if I were in their position. But, a little humility about your good fortune would help. To be helped by your parents is not a terrible thing. People do understand it and most people accept that people will use these connections to get ahead. Just say yeah I did have leg up and put your fucking struggles into perspective before opening your mouth.

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I try to ignore the Trump family as much as humanly possible but they just are too difficult to ignore. They are always out there doing something, saying things and making people crazy. Sometimes you just have to break down and comment on what they are doing, knowing full well that they love every moment of attention they are getting. Good or bad, attention is attention and, for some reason, the Trump family love getting it and I apologize now for giving it to them. Forgive me but I must comment about something Trumpish.

The Trump men love to appraise women’s looks and then give their usually unflattering appraisal particularly if the woman is a political opponent (see Donald Trumps thoughts on Rosie O’Donnell and Carly Fiorina if you need some examples). Trump’s namesake Donald jr. got into the act recently with his unkind comparison of Michelle Obama to a football linebacker.

Oddly, he comments that this is a joke which was a lame way of trying to protect himself from criticism that he knew would be heading his way. He was joking. Ha ha. Right. Got it. Though I have to wonder would if his wife or sister would think it was funny to be compared to a linebacker? If he is just being funny that is. I am sure they would get the joke, right? They know his sense of humor best after all.

It’s the type of joke you would expect from a 12 year old boy trying to impress his friends by making fun of the smartest girl in the class. It is mean-spirited joke. The interesting thing for me, is that it was more important for Donald jr. to amuse his juvenile friends than to be a decent human being. He relishes in the hurtful nature of the joke.

You would think that the son of man who is running for president would understand this and not post this type of joke on social media. Of course, he is free to post whatever he damn well pleases, that he can’t discern what is appropriate and inappropriate is the problem. In Donald jr.’s mind, it is perfectly OK to publicly demean a woman’s looks.

That neither Trump seems worried about that is concerning.

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The two parties seem intent on nominating incredibly unpopular people as their candidates for president. For the Trump Republicans, this is at least understandable. They want revenge and there is some passion there to get it. The Democrats, on the other hand, just can’t be bothered to come up with someone better than Biden. It’s too dangerous. Let’s stick with a known winner. Don’t rock the boat, everything is fine. Shut up and get in line seems to be the campaign slogan.

It’s not even that I dislike Biden. I don’t. I just don’t think he is the leader for this particular moment and, to say, we don’t have anything better is depressing. In this whole vast country of 330 million plus people, we can’t come up with an alternate to Joe Biden? If this is true, then the Democrats are in deep trouble. If all you got is Joe Biden, then well, the future is rather bleak.

And, I really hate to have to say this, because it should be obvious but, for some reason, no one seems to care, Biden is polling badly against Trump. Let’s think about this for a moment. Between two very unpopular candidates, Biden is getting out polled by Donald Trump. Millions of people, forced with a terrible choice between two candidates they don’t like, are choosing Trump. Trump the insurrectionist, the serial liar, the hawker of tennis shoes, the butt of comedians jokes for all the stupid things he says, this man is out polling Joe Biden.

If Biden was polling better against Trump, I would say right Joe is the answer. But he isn’t. Then I think, who am I to argue with the experts who gave us President Hillary Clinton. They have a proven record of success, maybe they are seeing something that I just can’t see. I should just relax, leave it to the experts. They know what they are doing. Right?

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I am about to confess something horrible about myself. I am warning you in case you want to opt out of further reading. I totally understand. Nobody likes to hear people’s confessions. Oh you think it will be fun at first, hearing people’s deepest darkest secrets but I am pretty sure it turns in to repetitive stories about self abuse on lonely Saturday nights and deliberately not ringing up an item at the self check out at the grocery store. So, believe me I understand. 

Any way my confession. Bob and I are looking into pre-paying our funerals because, well, I am told it is the right thing to do. I agree in principle but I am finding myself really reluctant to commit. It isn’t fear about talking about death either which would be a legitimate reason for avoiding the purchase. I, in fact, researched the costs with three different companies and talked in more depth with one woman. 

No, it isn’t fear. It is greed. Every time I think about paying for my funeral I think why I am paying for this? Shouldn’t my heirs? I mean I am giving them money, the least they can do is pay for my funeral. I would much rather they take it out of their cut from my will than for me to give up the money now when I can be buying expensive cocktails at overpriced restaurants.

Furthermore, what do I care about disposing of my body. I mean. Shit. I am dead. Do I have to do everything? Do what ever you want with my body but really why should I spend the precious time I have left figuring that out. Fuck it. All I can say is – if you can have some fun with my dead body, have at it as nothing would please me more than knowing that my body came in handy for a few practical jokes. Otherwise, who cares and why should I be the one to do something about it? What are they going do about if I don’t, I will be dead. 

I can’t get the proper motivation to do anything about it. I know this sounds terrible. The reoccurring explanation for pre-planning is do you want your loved ones, who are in mourning, to figure this all out during this really sad, possibly traumatic, moment in their life and, again, I am sorry to say, yeah why not. I mean their day has already been ruined with my death. Why should I ruin my day too by paying for it. Besides, planning my funeral might give them an opportunity to take their minds off the large empty void my absence will cause in their lives and focus on something really important — getting me in the ground so they can go out and spend whatever is left of my 401K. And, since I am already making confessions and this make me even a worse person, I am genuinely planning to have no money left when I leave this mortal coil. So I will be sticking my heirs with the full funeral costs out of their pocket book. Sorry heirs.

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My nickname among my friends in high school was Space King which was due to the likely experience of finding me high anytime you encountered me. I am surprised that I even graduated given the minimal amount of time I put into my studies. My parents were confused too as my fairly poor grades did not reflect all the time I put in at the public library. I think it was their sly way of letting me know they knew what was really going on. I really think my mother was deliberately trying to annoy when she asked me return her library books because that meant I had to actually go to the library.

Despite fully embracing drug taking, I never wanted to be known as a drug dealer. I avoided crossing this particular line. I might sell a joint or two as a friendly gesture but a joint or two was not a drug dealer. I never got into the habit of buying large quantities of pot so that I could sell the excess. Anyone who sold large quantities pretty quickly slipped into paranoia about who they were selling to. This was a different time and if the cops found even a joint on you, they could send you to prison for a long long time. Good friends could narc you out, particularly if the cops had found any drugs on them. The extra money never seemed worth the trouble to me.

But mostly I was interested in my reputation. I had political ambitions in my youth. If I sold dope, I knew some asshole would remember my ill-spent youth and put the kibosh on my political career. I don’t know why I thought that this would protect my image. I mean people didn’t call me Space King for nothing.

Any way, I kind of reformed when I went to college. I reduce my drug taking to an occasional puff of marijuana and I began to study because I realized that being a pot head was going to limit my options. I was a new man. Unfortunately my reputation preceded me. I was seating in the college library actually studying for an exam when a woman I went to high school with approached me. This was a woman who I barely knew. I don’t think we said two words together the whole four years of high school. I thought it was odd but maybe she thought we attended a small high school and we were at a large university now, maybe she was looking for a friendly face. Boy was I wrong. She pretty quickly explained she had a big test tomorrow and needed some speed and wanted to know if could sell her some.

I was devastated. All that time I sacrificed making extra money was for nothing. Despite everything, I still had a reputation of being a dealer. I tried to be mad at her but I just ended up laughing. She explained that everyone knew I was big dope taker in high school and she just assumed that I would still know how to get them. She told me she would cross me off her list as possible speed suppliers. I was eternally grateful for her consideration but I fear the damage was done. I guess you can take the Space King out of the opium den but you can’t take the opium den out of the Space King. That is also is when I decided my political career was finished. The Democratic Party has never recovered from this loss but I did save them the awkward press conference when I would admit to being Space King.