I received $700 tax refund from California last year. Uncle Sam never got a chance to tax it so they wanted a chance this year. I needed a 1099 tax form from the state of California about this money in order to file my federal taxes. This is a tax form that California distributes by the millions each year. They have a record of it, they have the form prepared, they probably already sent it to me, I just can’t locate it. Sounds like a simple transaction. Well, you would be wrong. It took me a day and half of increasingly frustrating communication with the California Franchise Tax board who, I might add, did very little to assist me.

I first went to their web site. All Customer Service queries these days must start on line. If you don’t start on line, you will be reminded constantly to do so. Their recording will tell you that it is easier and faster. Although this hasn’t always been my experience this seemed like an easy enough request that an on line solution seemed perfectly reasonable. All I wanted was a tax document that millions of Californians receive every year. The document is already created and waiting for me. Of course, the website was a confusing array of options and explanations. After about half hour of reading, I was able to learn that I could have instant access to my tax documents if I created a personal profile for the site.

All right then, I tried to create a user ID and password. Except that somewhere in the distant past I must have already created a user ID because the website messaged me that my email address already had a user ID and password. Great. I check my list of user IDs and passwords which, before you tell me, I realize is not a secure way to deal with passwords. But damnit, I’ve tried to synchronize my User ID’s and passwords across all web sites I used. Honestly. Please believe me but they became out of sync almost instantaneously because some sites require frequent changes in the passwords, or won’t allow you to use the same password, all for very real security reasons although I am sure a seasoned hacker can get into my accounts faster than I can so what is the point. Any way I was in a bind because I didn’t remember my password or ID for the California Franchise Tax Board.

What’s a person to do? Well, I went to the link called “Forgot your used ID or Password.” The California Franchise Tax Board outsourced their security questions to a credit check company. These are not questions like your mother’s maiden name. They are questions like did you live at the following street address in 1979. I muddled through the first two questions. I was kind of proud that I could remember my university days address. The last question, however, stumped me. It gave a list of last names and asked me to put a check mark by all the names I have used to get credit. Since most of the names were not Fitzpatrick, I thought this would be simple. I was wrong. On the list was a version of Fitzpatrick but badly misspelled something like Ifitzaptrck. I have had my name misspelled before on a credit card but never recalled it being that badly misspelled so I didn’t check it and, because of that, I then failed the security check. They would need me to send me the my user ID and password through the mail. Why this is safer, eludes me, but I couldn’t ask anyone to explain.

Increasingly frustrated, I noticed that there was an on line chat. I always try the chat before calling because modern customer service departments discourage phone conversations at all costs. They want you to use web sites and on line tools. They have invested a lot of money into technology that prevents you from actually talking to someone and damnit they are going to make sure you use it. I started my chat with an explanation of my very simple need — a tax document verifying I received money from California. The customer service agent who responded to my chat gave me a phone number I should call and that department would help me with my request. I was delighted to hear. They want me to call them. I will talk to a person who will realize that this is a simple request, the person will push a few buttons and I will get my document. Again, I was wrong.

The phone tree announcement was the most complicated phone tree I have ever encountered with minutes of explanation and options and warnings to listen carefully because their options have changed recently. I focused completely on my options. I heard what I thought was my option, I pressed the button which sent me into another phone tree with even more options. I picked one of them and I went to another phone tree, so I kept pressing options until, and I have no rational explanation for what happened so don’t ask me, I found myself back at the introductory announcement giving me the same long explanation and the same numerous buttons to press. I tried pressing different buttons to see if this would connect me with an actual person. It didn’t. No matter what I did, the phone tree sent me back to the introductory message. So I started screaming agent, customer service, operator and any other word I could think of that might cause a human being to answer my query. I waited and waited, my screams turned into whimpers and eventually a recorded message came on telling me I hadn’t made a valid choice, thanking me for my call and disconnecting me. I tried two other times — always ending with them disconnecting me.

So, I decided to try the chat line to see if they can help me either a better phone number or just send me the damn forms. My chat agent told me that I needed to call the phone number I had just called to receive the document. I explained that nobody is answering. She said try first thing in the morning as there won’t be as much competition for customer service agents. I said answering isn’t the problem, the phone tree never gives me an agent to speak with. It always disconnects me. She insisted I had to call back. I asked if she could give my number to someone who could call me back. She said I had to call directly as they had to verify I could request the form besides she was only supposed to answer simple questions. All I wanted was one measly document that I know they send to millions of Californians every year. What could be more simple than that. Apparently she disagreed because she disconnected my chat.

I decided to give up and try calling in the morning. For some reason, again I have no rational explanation of why, I press a bunch of buttons successfully and instead of going back to first announcement, it takes me to a living breathing human being. After a bunch of questions about what she would see on my tax form — middle initial, my address, etc. — she relents and decides to send me the tax document I wanted but I would have to wait for U.S. Mail to deliver it. I ask how long I would have to wait. She said 14 days. This is cutting it close for the day taxes are due (OK, so yeah that one is my fault. I own it). I asked if she could send a PDF copy to me immediately instead. She pauses. I don’t think she knows what a PDF document is. Instead of allowing me to explain, she tells me I have to wait for the document in the mail, thanks me, and then disconnects.

This is terrible customer service:

1. It is makes the customer do all of the work.
2. If a person is calling, they have probably tried the website and the chat line, they need to talk to someone. Give them an easy option that allows them to talk to someone.
3. If you are telling people a better time to call is in the morning, you are acknowledging you don’t have enough employees and that you deliver terrible customer service. Why do I have to call in the morning to get an agent to talk with me? It doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in your service.
4. Making them run through a phone tree that gives long explanation of how to use the system says your phone tree is too complicated for the average person to plow through. It is confusing and frustrating.
5. Saying that your website, chat line, and phone service are quick and easy doesn’t make it so. The customer makes that decision not you. Stop messaging that the customer might have better luck with web site or on line chat. It is irritating. The only person who is getting quick and easy service in this scenario is the Customer Service Department.
6. If a person says they are having trouble with your system, help the customer. The system isn’t going to work for everyone. Don’t force a frustrated person to continue to use a system that clearly isn’t working for them. Yes, the customer may be a technophobe but then they are still a customer and they still need help. Making them even more frustrated is helping your reputation as a business and certainly isn’t providing the customer with any service.

So there.

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