I remember the good old days when I drank fluids without the foggiest notion of where the restroom was. I could reasonably gauge when I needed one and had a good fifteen minutes or so before I needed one. Not any more. If I start drinking, I need to know that a restroom is nearby because I have lost any excess time to go searching for one. Once I feel the need to pee, I desperately must reach that toilet within seconds. At night, this is particularly dangerous for my poor toes as I groggily race from my sound sleep to the bathroom for relief. For some reason, probably the not unreasonable fear that I am about to pee my pants, my toes bump into anything that might be in the way — slow moving cats, cabinet feet, improperly stored shoes — all become obstacles in my desperate journey to the bathroom.

Don’t drink before bed, you say. This would have been an option say 10 years ago, however, I am a man of a certain age when keeping the body together requires a certain amount of medication. Some of those pills need to be taken before bed, some of these prescriptions even advise a full glass of water with the pill. How do you hydrate and not urinate, I ask you?