I was going to write about eating at high falutin restaurant but I thought I needed to explain something about myself first.

I am embarrassed to admit that I am not a foodie. I eat to live and not much else. I like bland food. The blander the better. Most people find my indifference to food difficult to understand. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when people start talking about food because when I do people generally think I am lying. That nobody could possibly mean what I am saying.

But I do. I don’t really have any taste. I am just as happy eating at a cheap diner as the fanciest restaurant in town. As long as the diner has alcohol, I am fine. The good news is I am not in the least bit picky. I will go to any restaurant that people want to go. I will find something to eat. Or, and this is the kicker, I will suck it up and eat whatever is available. It is one meal. It isn’t my last meal and eating food I don’t particularly like won’t kill me. I can eat cold food. I can eat spicy food although, I have to admit, I won’t eat again. But if I accidently order a spicy dish again, I will eat it. I can eat overcooked food although I probably wouldn’t even recognize that it is overcooked until someone mentions it. I can skip meals without even knowing it.

So, I am thinking, you won’t be shocked when I confess that fine dining mystifies me. I am confused on why people will spend so much money on food. If you like steak or sushi I can hopefully give you an idea of my thinking.

Since I am from Kansas City, I have eaten steak all my life. I have eaten it rare. I have eaten it well done. I have eaten cheap steaks and I have eaten expensive steaks. I still, for the life of me, can’t see why anyone would pay $50 for one. They all taste the same to me and seriously confused when my fellow diners are raving about how good the steak is. Particularly when they look at me askance while I am debasing the beef with whatever sauce I can find to drench it with. I can eat a steak without sauce but I get bored with the meal quickly particularly in fine dining establishments where there is so much meat, that a good $25 of it is dangling off the plate. I can eat a few bites but really it is just texture to me and I end up taking most of it home where it sits in my refrigerator for a good month before I toss it out. A friend pointed out many years ago that I might as well eat a hamburger instead. He was joking but he is right. I would be just as happy with a hamburger or brisket or any other much cheaper cut of meat. And the best part is if you douse you hamburger with BBQ sauce nobody gives it a second thought.

I have a similar feeling about Sushi. I have heard people claim that the sushi they were eating was melting in their mouth. After numerous tastes of sushi I have yet to have that experience. I know some people don’t like sushi because it is uncooked. That doesn’t bother me in the least. I just can’t figure out what the big deal is. I can eat sushi but after every attempt, I think I’d rather have a pizza or a burger or a taco. There are people who actually go out of their way to eat sushi . I mean, they take a plane, rent a hotel room so they can visit a city and eat sushi at a specific restaurant because the sushi melts in your mouth. Really, this is true. All I can detect is that the meat texture is somewhat different from the cooked meat.

So I think I have established my credentials as a non-foodie. Food is something I eat because I know I have to but it isn’t something that particularly matters to me. I know that this is something that many people find tantamount to being a serial killer or a war criminal. Many people advised me not to make such an admission publicly as this could cause my readers to rebel and stop reading my posts. I am sorry if you feel that way but I feel it is important for me to be perfectly honest with my readers because if you can trust something you read on the worldwide web then what kind of world do we have?