In case you are keeping track, there was no Part III as I lost my notes. I can summarize what happened though. After much trial and tribulation. I finally signed up for Health Insurance. It took me three days, 3 or so hours online, five or so phone calls at about a half hour a piece, and a fax (yes you heard correctly a fax).

The good news is I am now signed up.

Or so I thought. It is mid-January and I still haven’t received my insurance card. I called up Wage Works where I learned that I only paid them for my insurance. The insurance carrier is a totally different entity. I would need to call up the insurance company to inquire about my card.

I ask for the phone number. She tells me it was on the back of my insurance card. I told her I didn’t have an insurance card. I reminded her that was why I was calling her in the first place. She sighed deeply, the sigh of someone who knows she has to put me on hold so she can search for phone number she doesn’t readily have. It takes her five minutes of determined clicking but she finds the number I need.

A phone tree answers. This phone tree wasn’t, not for one moment, going to let me speak to a person. I listen through the phone tree until I hear my option. I push the appropriate number. The phone tree informs me that I can go to the on line site for this information. I say “Operator.” This phone tree isn’t falling for that trick. The phone tree replies, “In order to better help you, can you explain what department you want to speak with and then lists departments for me to select

I choose one. The phone tree explains that I can take care of this on line. I scream operator. The phone tree asks me what department I need and gives me the same options. I chose one. The phone tree yet again insists that I can handle this on line. I then lie to the phone tree. God, forgive me. I say I need to make a payment. The phone tree obliging sends me to an operator except that the office is on the East Coast and is now closed.

I call back Wage Works. I explain my problem to a nice woman. She will send an urgent message to the insurance company and would get back with me when she heard a reply.

She actually calls back the next day with an identifier number telling me she has contacted the insurance company. I ask for my insurance ID. She doesn’t have it but the insurance company has been informed that I urgently need my insurance card. She assumes that the insurance company will expedite sending the insurance card.

“So I should be able to call the insurance company and get my number,” I ask.

She didn’t really know for sure but maybe.

With that ringing endorsement, I call the insurance company. They don’t, as a matter of fact, have my information in their system and don’t know why I am calling. I explain that Wage Works told me to call them. The young lady transfers me to a supervisor. I explain my problem again. I don’t know why because he tells me I am not in the system and he can’t help me.

I explain that I have paid Wage Works for my insurance. Wage Works sent the information to Health Net. The man understands but he doesn’t have my information. I tell him I am concerned. I ask him what were to happen if I were in an accident. He gives me the audio equivalent of a shoulder shrug.

I ask whom should I contact. He tells me the county. I snap. I tell him the county doesn’t have anything to do with me. I haven’t given any information to the county. Why would I contact the county? He apologizes he meant to contact Wage Works, the people who I paid.

I call Wage Works and ask to speak to a supervisor. I am transferred and put on hold for ½ hour. I hear music so I think I am on hold. But it is ½ hour, maybe I have been sent to an empty office or the person doesn’t know I am on hold. I hang up and call again. I explain that I have been waiting to speak to a supervisor for ½ hour and I was worried that I might have been disconnected. She assures me that ½ hour wait for a supervisor wasn’t unusual. Very comforting news that is. She says that she will transfer me to a supervisor but will wait on line with me. Every few minutes she would interrupt the music and let me know that I was still on hold. She was good to her word. Now, at least, I knew I was waiting for a supervisor while I waited for another ½ hour.

The supervisor finally comes on the line. I explain my problem. He tells me that they have contacted the insurance company and have asked them to urgently update their system. I explain but it isn’t there and they have had this information since January 6. He says that it takes 5 to 10 business days. I tell him that it has been 21 days. He says that they are probably behind because January is the month they receive the most new members. Since Wage Works just recently sent an urgent request to update my record why don’t we wait until Friday to see if they act?

“What am I supposed to do if I am in an accident,” I ask. I don’t have an insurance card to give them. He gives me an audio shoulder shrug.

“What am I supposed to do if I call back on Friday and the insurance company still doesn’t have my details in their system.” Audio shoulder shrugs all around. I ask him if he could contact someone at the insurance company to investigate this. He says no. All he does is send information via the computer. It is up to the insurance company to put the new customer in the system.

“What if there is a communication breakdown where his company sends information and the insurance company doesn’t receive it. Silence. “You don’t have anyone you can contact at the insurance company?” The answer is no.

I am not sick. Yet. After Friday, I might, however, be in an insane asylum. Hopefully, but not certainly, insured.